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Ry nearly his lifeWhat is it that leads an exceptional young mind want to disappear Clegg makes stunningly clear the attraction of the drug that had him in its thrall capturing in scene after scene the drama tension and paranoiac nightmare of a secret life and the exhilarating bliss that came again and again. This was dreadful Not the writing which was effective and uite good but the picture it painted A dizzying memoir of the two month crack binge that defined rock bottom for a once rising star this was depressing paranoid confusion that was palpable Deeply sad my heart broke for Noah and I was disappointed to not hear him mentioned in the acknowledgementsthough it s interesting to note that my disappointment is suarely based on the author s depiction of him This is just a very sad cautionary tale Memoirs are a brave undertaking and this one felt both honest and effective 35 stars The Book of Beginnings rock bottom for a once The Homelanders (The Homelanders, rising star this was depressing paranoid confusion that was palpable Deeply sad my heart broke for Noah and I was disappointed to not hear him mentioned in the acknowledgementsthough it s interesting to note that my disappointment is suarely based on the author s depiction of him This is just a very sad cautionary tale Memoirs are a brave undertaking and this one felt both honest and effective 35 stars

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Portrait of an Addict as a Young Man A Memoir

Bill Clegg had a thriving business as a literary agent a supportive partner trusting colleagues and loving friends when he walked away from his world and embarked on a two month crack binge He had been released from rehab nine months earlier and his relapse would cost him his home his money his career and ve. Bill Clegg had it all a glamorous prestigious job as a literary agent a handsome and caring indie filmmaker boyfriend a gorgeous Manhattan apartment a glittering social life J Crew catalogue model good looksBut he risked throwing it all away along with tens of thousands of dollars because of his addiction to crack cocaine a downward spiral he chronicles with frank honesty in the harrowing hard to put down memoir Portrait Of An Addict As A Young ManClegg interweaves tales of his scoring drugs he had several regular dealers but would also often simply get into a cab and ask Do you party with seuences from his childhood As a boy he suffered from a mysterious condition that prevented him from urinating normally this caused a rift between him and his father and provided a well of guilt shame and secrecy that followed him foreverAt 12 he stole a bottle of whiskey from his dad s liuor cabinet and drank it with a friend in the woods at 15 he began taking crystal meth regularly He graduated to pot smoking it daily before being introduced to crack in his mid 20s by a man nearly three times his age who also seduces him Here is part of Clegg s description of that first crack high He draws slowly as he sees the white substance bubble and pop in the flame A pearly smoke makes its way down the stem and he draws harder to bring it toward him Fitz tells him to go gently and he does Soon his lungs are full and he holds it the way he would hold pot smoke He exhales and is immediately coughing The taste is like medicine or cleaning fluid but also a little sweet like limes The smoke billows out into the living room past Fitz like a great unfurling dragon As he watches the cloud spread and curl he feels the high at first as a flutter then a roar A surge of new energy pounds through every inch of him and there is a moment of perfect oblivion where he is aware of nothing and everything A kind of peace breaks out behind his eyes It spreads down from his temples into his chest to his hands and everywhere It storms through him kinetic sexual euphoric like a magnificent hurricane raging at the speed of light It is the warmest most tender caress he has ever felt and then as it recedes the coldest hand He misses the feeling even before it s left him and not only does he want he needs it Amazing right Clegg certainly knows how to describe things There are scenes detailing such bad decisions that I felt like crying out for him to stop as I was reading them His paranoia is so extreme that he believes DEA agents and police are after him in collaboration with taxi drivers These suspicions are never proven or disprovenWhat s most satisfying is that Clegg never makes facile conclusions about why he s hooked on drugs He discusses feeling like an imposter he details his mother s bout with cancer and his parents separation But he is too smart to provide a direct link between these things and his need for self immolationEarlier this year Clegg published a seuel to Portrait called Ninety Days about his eventual recovery I want to read it He s such a perceptive writer and I m looking forward to discovering what he s learned But I think I ll wait until I ve fully recovered from the intensity of his remarkable first bookUPDATE I should have mentioned before that Clegg s then boyfriend Ira Sachs made a fictional film about this period in their lives from his point of view It s called Keep The Lights On and it s definitely worth checking out before or after reading this I reviewed the film upon release here Cock Tales released from Son of the Hero rehab nine months earlier and his The Alien Jigsaw relapse would cost him his home his money his career and ve. Bill Clegg had it all a glamorous prestigious job as a literary agent a handsome and caring indie filmmaker boyfriend a gorgeous Manhattan apartment a glittering social life J Crew catalogue model good looksBut he Towards a Comprehensive Theory of Human Learning risked throwing it all away along with tens of thousands of dollars because of his addiction to crack cocaine a downward spiral he chronicles with frank honesty in the harrowing hard to put down memoir Portrait Of An Addict As A Young ManClegg interweaves tales of his scoring drugs he had several The Illusion of Gods Presence regular dealers but would also often simply get into a cab and ask Do you party with seuences from his childhood As a boy he suffered from a mysterious condition that prevented him from urinating normally this caused a Folk Tales From The Soviet Union rift between him and his father and provided a well of guilt shame and secrecy that followed him foreverAt 12 he stole a bottle of whiskey from his dad s liuor cabinet and drank it with a friend in the woods at 15 he began taking crystal meth Not The Hot Chick regularly He graduated to pot smoking it daily before being introduced to crack in his mid 20s by a man nearly three times his age who also seduces him Here is part of Clegg s description of that first crack high He draws slowly as he sees the white substance bubble and pop in the flame A pearly smoke makes its way down the stem and he draws harder to bring it toward him Fitz tells him to go gently and he does Soon his lungs are full and he holds it the way he would hold pot smoke He exhales and is immediately coughing The taste is like medicine or cleaning fluid but also a little sweet like limes The smoke billows out into the living Pegged and Plugged at the Club room past Fitz like a great unfurling dragon As he watches the cloud spread and curl he feels the high at first as a flutter then a Tunnel Through Time roar A surge of new energy pounds through every inch of him and there is a moment of perfect oblivion where he is aware of nothing and everything A kind of peace breaks out behind his eyes It spreads down from his temples into his chest to his hands and everywhere It storms through him kinetic sexual euphoric like a magnificent hurricane Game of Bimbofication, Part 3 raging at the speed of light It is the warmest most tender caress he has ever felt and then as it Game of Bimbofication, Part 2 recedes the coldest hand He misses the feeling even before it s left him and not only does he want he needs it Amazing Sermons Preached Upon Several Occasions, Vol. 1 of 5 right Clegg certainly knows how to describe things There are scenes detailing such bad decisions that I felt like crying out for him to stop as I was The Fatima Century reading them His paranoia is so extreme that he believes DEA agents and police are after him in collaboration with taxi drivers These suspicions are never proven or disprovenWhat s most satisfying is that Clegg never makes facile conclusions about why he s hooked on drugs He discusses feeling like an imposter he details his mother s bout with cancer and his parents separation But he is too smart to provide a direct link between these things and his need for self immolationEarlier this year Clegg published a seuel to Portrait called Ninety Days about his eventual Leah Starrs Revenge recovery I want to Pieces 8 (Pieces, read it He s such a perceptive writer and I m looking forward to discovering what he s learned But I think I ll wait until I ve fully Time Flies and Other Short Plays recovered from the intensity of his Fall (VIP Book 3) (English Edition) remarkable first bookUPDATE I should have mentioned before that Clegg s then boyfriend Ira Sachs made a fictional film about this period in their lives from his point of view It s called Keep The Lights On and it s definitely worth checking out before or after Drawing Dead (Faolan OConnor Book 1) reading this I Trails & Tales of Yosemite & the Central Sierra reviewed the film upon Chinas Son release here

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Until it was eclipsed almost entirely by doom He also explores the shape of addiction how its pattern not its cause can be traced to the past Portrait of an Addict as a Young Man is an utterly compelling narrative lyrical irresistible harsh honest and beautifully written from which you simply cannot look aw. I admit that I am a sucker for stories about addiction You could even say I am addicted to them groan But now I know what I want for my last meal and it is a nice chunk of crack Really it sounds like something that everyone should experience once in a lifetime but can t for obvious reasons To paraphrase the poet it sounds like all we know of heaven and all we need to know of hell Bill Clegg is a literary agent in NYC and he was living the dream He appears on his book jacket as model handsome At the time of the memoir he was living with his partner Noah a seemingly flawless mate in an incredible apartment given to them by Noah s wealthy grandmother He and a friend had just started their own literary agency and he has a large group of friends and family and clients I won t give away the whole story because it is rather suspenseful writing even though you are practically told from the start that the house of cards is all going to fallWhat makes it such compelling reading even when you know where it is headed are the details missing airplane flights check in for the flight and then take a cab back to an airport hotel to smoke some crack planning to get back in time to catch the flight the paranoia of thinking that every taxi cab driver is working for the DEA meandering down a street with exclusive shops to find a leather shop which can make extra holes in his belt before his pants fall down the ease with which these repeated drug transactions are made The latter is particularly fascinating He made calls sometimes once or twice a night to get drugs and then would run out to find an ATM wherever he was so that he could take out 300 at a time to pay for the drugs at each installment My only uibble is with the style of the modern day memoir used here Why do we have to jump back and forth in time so much He is five then college current day drug days then back to six then drug days Because I read so uickly at each transition I had to ask myself who are these guys with him his grade school friends or his crack companions It is dizzying


10 thoughts on “Portrait of an Addict as a Young Man A Memoir

  1. says:

    Heavy stuff and holy f Okay will try to give this a proper review This is one hell of a ride on the dark side of crack cocaine addiction While I usually like my addiction memoirs with a heavy heaping of recovery this focused mostly on the addiction itself Sometimes though the story itself can be so powerful it needs to be told This is one m

  2. says:

    One of the finest memoirs I’ve come across and I read a heck of a lot of them To be great a memoir has to plunk you right in the middle of a set of experiences that might be diametrically opposed to your own and make it all so real that you feel you are living it Through this book I followed literary agent Bill Clegg o

  3. says:

    Bill Clegg had it all a glamorous prestigious job as a literary agent; a handsome and caring indie filmmaker boyfriend; a gorgeous Manhattan apartment; a glittering social life; J Crew catalogue model good looksBut he risked throwing it all away – along with tens of thousands of dollars – because of his addiction to crack cocaine a downward spiral he chronicles with frank honesty in the harrowing hard to put down memoir Por

  4. says:

    This book was pretty engaging There is a train wrecky appeal and Clegg is pretty good with phrase I especially liked it when he described a woman's accent as trickyI would have liked it better if he had really reflected on the way his racecl

  5. says:

    This was dreadful Not the writing which was effective and uite good but the picture it painted A dizzying memoir of the two month crack binge

  6. says:

    This is the story of a privileged white dude who apparently became addicted to crack than anyone has ever been addicted to crack ever before He blames this on his childhood which although not perfect is certainly no worse than the childhoods of countless people who have never smoked crack even once He treats all his friends and loved ones shockingly poorly because all he cares about is crack but they stay loyal to him anyway I gue

  7. says:

    Sure I read it hence two stars and I read it uickly because 1 I'm addicted to books about screw ups AND 2 I'm constantly looking for something that will make me feel differently about this particular disease This memoir make

  8. says:

    35 STARSThis is my first Audio book that I have listened to without also following along in an actual book I don't really know how I feel about

  9. says:

    I admit that I am a sucker for stories about addiction You could even say I am addicted to them groan But now I know what I want for my last meal and it is a nice chunk of crack Really it sounds like something that everyone should experience once in a lifetime but can't for obvious reasons To paraphrase the poet it sounds like all we know of heaven and all we need to know of hell Bill Clegg is a literary agent in NYC

  10. says:

    Harrowing with a can't look away oh god I want to look away uality that fairly pulls the reader through the pages I know cra

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